How to Survive the First 72 Hours of NICU…as a NICU Dad

A while back I was asked to host a NICU Dads Group at our local Children’s Hospital’s NICU. I thought it was a great idea and immediately jumped online to start researching some topics or just get some information that I could share with some fellow NICU Dads. I looked and looked, and found nothing. Well, maybe nothing is a slight exaggeration. All I found was an article here and there in sites that were for NICU moms. There was nothing out there for NICU Dads. Then I came across Rad White and The NICU Beard Club. Rad had also written a book for NICU Dads, Enter The NICU. I was very excited to find this. This also lit a fire inside of me. There are so many NICU Dads and hardly any information or even support for them. This MUST be changed. I started thenicudad.com to help get some information out there and to also be a place for NICU Dads to share their stories.

I immediately bought Enter The NICU. It’s a book that Rad put together by getting former NICU Dads to share their stories, experiences, and to also offer advice.

One of my favorite parts of the book and one that I think is so important and vital to any NICU Dad’s journey is a section called “How to Survive the First 72 Hours of NICU”.

I will share with you some highlights of the section. I hope it helps!

“How to Survive the First 72 Hours of NICU”

“The first 72 hours within a NICU are crucial for a NICU Dad.  

In this time he needs to accept his wife is dealing with her own experiences of the prematurity (it is her body) and that his child is not meant to be in the world yet and will be born before time. 

 Fact: This is actually happening whether you are ready or not, so get yourself ready with these tips from past NICU Dads.  
 

The quickest way to be able to get on with this is to accept the situation and make the most of it.  

Play the percentages.  
 

It doesn’t get any realer than this in life.  

Put everything else aside and focus.  

The past NICU Dads that have contributed to this book have collectively pooled their experience and provided their top tips to support new NICU Dads through their first 72 hours of NICU. 

 Also, the past NICU Dad who provided the tip has been added at the end of the tip, so you can read their extended chat and experiences.  

 
The tips have been split into major categories of:  

• Managing Your Mindset (12 tips)  
• Support Your Partner (3)  
• Caring for Your Child (3)  

• Your Relationship with Medical Professionals (4)  
• Managing Family & Friends (5)  
• Actions to Consider (6)  

Each tip has been deeply considered with the new NICU Dad in mind.  

Here they are;  

Manage Your Mindset  

• Gratitude: be grateful your baby is alive (Alan)  

• Work on what you can control aka yourself (Dan)  

• Work on what can be influenced, perhaps your partner, work, home, extended family (Dan)  

• It’s so important to actually be hopeful and regardless of what you’re being told, that won’t necessarily be what happens, and sometimes in that situation, hope is all you’ve got- stay hopeful no matter what is about to come (Nic)  

• Be present: your baby is here today, enjoy them, don’t worry about tomorrow (Alan)  

• Be observant. It’s a lot to take in, but do what you can to take note of stuff, to try and understand stuff, in the knowledge that you don’t have to get it all (Nic)  

• Ask for help (Lawrence)  

• Don’t expect a time frame that’s going to suit what you want or need because time isn’t important, your children are (Rodney) 

• Make sure you are mentally present for your child, your partner and yourself. It’s hard sometimes but be there for every second because your family needs you (Radford)  

• Figure out what you can control & influence (Dan)  

• Be present with your partner, with your child, and with the experience to cherish those moments, even in their strangeness and unexpectedness (Nic)  

• Remain positive at all times (David)  

Supporting Your Partner  

• Be there for your partner (Matt)  

• Support your wife and yourself and don’t blame yourselves (Paul) Relay all information to your partner especially if she is sick and stuck in bed. Keep her involved as much as possible (Mark) 

Caring for your Child  

• Cuddle your child (if you can) and be a strong but fair advocate on behalf of your child (Paul)  

• Learn your baby’s cues and engage through kangaroo care, reading or singing, or just holding hands – let them know you care (Radford) As soon as you can, get in there and kangaroo cuddle your children, or your child, and hold them close and do it as much as you can (Rodney)  

Your Relationship with Medical Professionals  

• Your baby is in the best care possible. Trust the Doctors and Nurses caring for your child/ ren (Mark)  

• Talk to the Head Pediatrician as soon as possible about your child’s condition (Paul) 

• Trust in the Doctors and Nurses (David)  

• Try to always meet and acknowledge the NICU Nurses & staff every time you visit to get an update and build relationships – these are people who care for your child (Rad)  

 
Managing Family & Friends  

• Get support from family & friends (Matt) Don’t feel like you have to pass on all the information that you’ve been given, and trying to absorb, to your family and your friends straight away. Share when you are ready to share (Rodney)  

• Many family & friends will say “Let me know if you need anything”. Give them a job; walk your dogs, make reheatable meals, water the plants, collect mail etc (Radford)  

• Have one person you can rely on to share updates with and give them the job of delivering the updates to your families and friends (Lawrence)  

• Create a Facebook page that you can post photos, thoughts and updates and invite your family and selected friends to join. That way you can direct everyone to the Facebook page instead of responding to so many texts, calls, messages and emails (Mark)  

Actions to Consider  

• Do not use or become a Google doctor! (Lawrence)  

• Health monitor: write what means what (Alan)  

• Be involved if you are offered the chance (Mark)  

• Take notes or keep a log to reflect back on your experiences in years to come (David)  

• Make sure you get your rest (Lawrence)  

• Look after yourself, eat well, rest (Matt)”

 
White, Radford.  

Enter The NICU: When Men Enter the NICU and Play the Quarterback Game of Their Lives (NICU Dads Book 1)  

(Kindle Locations 245-248). anonymous. Kindle Edition. 

When a NICU Dad is thrown onto the emotional roller coaster that is NICU life, they are not given a manual or a map to navigate all of the ups and downs. Especially during the first week or those first few days, it is so vital to have something that can help you get your bearings or to grasp the situation that you have been thrown into. Something that might help you figure out your next move or what to expect next. I hope this list helps!

If there is something special that has helped you or is helping you, please tell us about it in the comments. Also, go out and pick up your own copy of Enter The NICU. Be sure and check out Rad White and The NICU Beard Club.

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