My Story. How it all began.

It was right around Christmas when we found out that my wife was pregnant. Our first daughter had been born at 30 weeks, so we knew we were a high risk pregnancy. We immediately started seeing specialists. We were seeing doctors every couple of weeks and getting ultrasounds on a regular basis. Everything was looking fine. We even started injections, just to be sure that we would go full term. I would have to give my wife these painful shots, which was an event within itself. We made sure my wife was taking her prenatals, eating healthy, and really taking care of herself. We did all of it! Once we hit 27 weeks, we had to take a test. This test would test the mothers proteins. It would give you a two week window. If it was positive, expect a baby in the next two weeks. Negative, and you didn’t have to worry about a baby coming for at least two weeks. Our test came back negative on a Thursday afternoon. We were good for at least two weeks. We started talking about baby showers and all that fun stuff. We went that Sunday and registered for our first baby shower. That night my wife was complaining about her back hurting and was pretty uncomfortable all night long. The following morning was the first day of summer break for our oldest daughter, who was nine years old at the time. I had a quick job to do that morning and then we were going to have a day of swimming and summer fun. My wife left for work, like normal, while I dropped our oldest off at my parents house. My job was about 30 minutes away. I was there for maybe ten minutes when my phone rang around 9 a.m. It was my wife. I couldn’t understand anything she was saying. She was crying so bad she couldn’t even speak. All I could make out was that her water broke. The phone went dead. Luckily her boss called back and let me know what was going on. Her water broke and there was an ambulance that was taking her to the hospital. 27 WEEKS!!!!!! How could this be? My stomach dropped. I thought, that’s it, it’s over. We’re losing the baby. I called my mom to let her know what was going on and to let her know that she would have to take care of our daughter for a little while longer. It took everything for me to not break down on the phone. I couldn’t. I had to deliver information and get to the hospital as fast as I could. It was a 30 minute drive to the hospital. I made it in 15 minutes! I wouldn’t wish that drive on anyone. It was something out of the movies.  I thought our baby was dying. I made so many promises on that drive. So many trades and “I will never”…Anything for a chance for mommy and baby to be alright.

I get to the hospital and run in. Running blindly trying to find my wife and see if her and the baby are alright. I find her. She is on a bed and there are doctors all around her. There are so many people in the room. We look at each other and both start crying. We were both so scared. Nobody was really telling us what was going on. They were all in crisis mode. They were trying to slow her contractions down and keep the baby from coming early. I called a few of our family members and let them know, so they could come to the hospital. In that little time, we find out that the baby is breech. They are going to do an emergency C-section. They wheel my wife out and I have to get scrubbed in. The next thing I know, we’re in an operating room, and they are performing surgery on my wife. I’m praying that everything will go alright, that my wife will make it and so will the baby. I’m trying to comfort my wife and stay strong, but inside I’m screaming! Screaming for things to slow down. She called me at 9 a.m. and here we are, just three hours later! Before I know it, they pull our daughter out. But, we don’t hear anything. They pull her out and take her to a table. It seemed like forever, but we finally hear her cry. It’s now a little after noon. I’m still with my wife and she is in and out of it, there is a lot of blood from the surgery. I look over at the baby and there are all these doctors and nurses around her. AND IT STARTS….What every NICU Dad goes through. Who do I go with? Who needs me more? How can I choose? As they close my wife up, they have me cut the umbilical cord on the baby and see her for a brief second before she is taken away. My wife is taken to a recovery area and the baby is taken to the NICU. Our daughter weighed 2lbs. 5 ounces. The hospital we were in was not equipped to handle a preemie that small. A transport team was brought in to take her to a nearby hospital that was 30 minutes away and handled cases like her. They were waiting for her to stabilize so she could make the trip. I would go back and forth, from seeing her, to checking on my wife. My wife had not really seen the baby. This was something else that NICU Dads experience, guilt. Here I was spending time with our new baby, when her mother hasn’t even seen her. All she got was a brief peek in the traveling isolette as they wheeled her by to take her to the other hospital. It was heartbreaking. They said I could follow the ambulance to the hospital, but I don’t go. I could’t. I had to make sure my wife had everything she needed. We had nothing. We didn’t pack for the hospital. There was no emergency C-section prep kit. Luckily my sister-in-law dropped everything and came down. She stayed with my wife. She saved me because that allowed me to leave the hospital and run home, because now I had to get our dog and clothes for our other daughter. She was going to have stay with Grandma for a lot longer than a couple of hours, like we had originally planned when we dropped her off that morning. I visit with her for just a little while, then I headed to the hospital to see the baby. I finally get to the NICU and get to our baby’s room. I walk in and there is a nurse in there. She was a very small lady. I am a big guy. I see all of the machines, hear all of the beeps, and see the covered isolette. I peek in and see her and all of the tubes. She was so tiny. I don’t know if it was everything that happened that day, how she looked, or how helpless I felt, but I lost it. There I was balling like a baby, while this little nurse consoled me and told me everything would be alright. Our NICU journey had just begun….