Happy Parents of Preemies Day!

On this Parents of Preemies Day I took a moment to reflect on what being a parent of a preemie really is to me. What does it mean to be a parent of a preemie? We have two daughters, both of which were preemies. Our oldest was born at 30 weeks and weighed 3 lbs. 6 ounces. Our youngest was born at 27 weeks and weighed 2 lbs. 5 ounces. Having two daughters who were preemies, the biggest thing I have come to understand is that when it comes to preemies, the words fight or fighter will never describe a person or situation better. From day one of that preemie being born they are FIGHTING.

Our NICU stay with our youngest was the longest, 67 days. I am not what some would call a little guy, quite the opposite, but when I start to think about that little baby in the NICU….It breaks me down to a puddle of tears. Remembering how small she was. She was the tiniest thing I had ever seen. As a parent, a preemie being born so early, you can’t help but think, “is this it?”. “Is this how my baby’s life ends?”. Surely a baby cannot survive being born at 27 weeks. But then this tiny little baby, whose entire hand is as big as your fingernail, grabs your finger.  It’s at that moment that you realize this little baby who is smaller than most dolls and has tubes coming out of her nose and mouth, with cords around her arms and legs, that little baby is a FIGHTER! She wants to live! I knew that she had a chance. What I didn’t realize was that she was going to be fighting the entire time, all 67 days! Like most preemie parents I know I can say that my daughter is one of my biggest heroes. When you witness something so small, fighting for their life, everyday, it really puts things in perspective. I can only hope to have an ounce of the courage and heart that our daughter would show us every day. There were days that we would talk to her and tell her, “Baby girl, we really need you to keep fighting and hit this mark.” It would mean that she was one step closer to coming home. And she would! She would hit a certain weight. She would pass an evaluation. She would keep fighting!

Of course the preemie fight doesn’t end in the NICU. Being born so early sometimes comes with lingering health issues or setbacks. Our oldest has had to fight her size. She has, for most of her 13 years, been the smallest kid in her class. Many times she has to deal with people treating her as a child her size rather than a child her age. Our youngest had to have months of physical therapy after she came home. Like some preemies, she was delayed physically, especially when it came to sitting up and crawling. She currently has a PDA (Patent ductus arteriosus) in her heart and is going to have a procedure in the next few weeks to close it. As scary as that is for us, we know she’ll fight through it and be back to normal in no time.

I guess for me, as crazy as this may sound, being a preemie parent is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I get to see my heroes every day. I understand that as a preemie parent we usually don’t get to experience many “normal” parts of having a baby and the whole process. I also know that I may have cherished some of the moments of having a baby just a little bit more than if everything was normal. I’ll never forget the look on my wife’s face when she FINALLY got to hold our daughter. It had been so long! The nurse told her she looked like she had just won the lottery. She told her that’s exactly how she felt! It was the same for me. It almost made that moment even more special, because we had waited so long just to hold her. There were many moments like that for us with our preemies. We are parents of preemies, and I’m not sure we would have it any other way!