NICU Birthday

A NICU stay is definitely a life changing experience. Our 67 day NICU stay definitely changed my life. Seven years later and I’m still feeling the effects in some degree or another.

Seven years ago my daughter was born at 27 weeks. Her birthday has always been such a special day. Maybe it is everything that is going on in our world today, but this year was different.

This year I found myself looking at the clock and reliving the entire day all over again. It was one of the most anxious and emotional days I’ve had in a while.

It started with me looking at the clock at 8 a.m. and thinking, this is when we were leaving the house. My wife went to work and I was dropping off our oldest at Grandma’s house while I went to work. -Anxiety and emotions started to stir up a little.

Next, I look at the clock and it’s 9 a.m. This is when I got the phone call from my wife. She called hysterically crying that her water broke. We were barely 27 weeks pregnant. I’m thinking about the drive to the hospital, how I thought we were losing our baby. My anxiety and emotions are gearing up quite a bit. I tear up a little thinking about that phone call and drive.

Now I’m looking at the clock and it is 12 p.m. This is when our daughter was born. I thought about how scared we were before we went into the operating room. We didn’t know what was going on, and we were speeding through this nightmare. I thought about how long it took before I heard our daughter cry. I thought she wasn’t alive. Remembering those feelings and I am now sitting at my kitchen table having a small anxiety attack and crying. Seeing my seven year old daughter and how far we have come, but also still feeling the pressures of that day.

Finally I see that it is 8 p.m. This was around the time I finally made it to the NICU. Our daughter was transported to another hospital within an hour of being born. After making sure my wife had everything she needed, I was able to leave the hospital she was in. Then I had to make sure my oldest daughter had everything she needed at Grandma’s house. After making sure everything and everyone was taken care of, I was able to go to the NICU and spend the night with our daughter.

At the end of my daughter’s 7th birthday I was emotionally exhausted. I had relived so much of the trauma of that day she was born. I couldn’t believe the effect that the day had on me. The anxiety and the waves of emotions that had me crying, were so unexpected.

It was just another reminder of how the NICU changes our lives. The hell we are put through and the gratefulness of how blessed we are, we carry them forever.

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