10 things I wish I would have known as a new NICU Dad…

I knew people who had children in NICUs, but I never really understood what that really meant. I knew that babies that needed surgery or babies who were not doing too well, were in NICUs. What I never really thought about was the NICU experience, especially for a NICU dad. Now having gone through our own 67 day NICU stay, there are several things I wish I had known about being a NICU dad. I can only speak from my experience, but I’m sure I’m not alone. There are some things that I wish I had known or at least been able to prepare for as a NICU dad.

I wish I had known that no matter how much of a tough guy I had been my entire life, or at least thought I was, it was all about to end. You know, the never let them see you cry or nothing is going to get to me. All of that has been thrown out the window. It all started when I walked in that room and saw my little 2lb 5oz daughter laying in that isolette. She was the tiniest thing I had ever seen. She had so many tubes coming out of her. All of the machines, flashing and beeping. I cried like a baby! It would not be the last time…

I wish I had known that after dealing with everything that happened during our delivery of our preemie daughter (27 weeks), I would be gut punched with the fact that I would have to make the decision and choose where to go and who to be with. My wife was in one hospital, recovering from a c-section. Our oldest daughter was at grandma’s, it was the first day of summer for her and she had only been told what had happened, but had not really seen or talked to us. And then there was our new baby in the NICU at another hospital. I would have to make this decision EVERY DAY, until my wife was able to leave the hospital.

I wish I had known that I would be the one spending the most time with the baby in the beginning. There was some guilt over it, but I had to. I had to be there to get as much information about what was going on and how the baby was doing. There would be a trade-off though, mommy got to hold the baby first.

I wish I would have listened to everyone when they told me to rest and try to get some sleep. I did not do that. I thought if my wife was up, I had to be up. If I was with the baby, I had to watch the monitors. If I was with our oldest daughter, I had to give her as much quality time as I could. What I didn’t realize was me not trying to get sleep, would mean that I was not going to be even close to my best when everyone was depending on me. I was nurse, chauffeur, secretary, husband, Dad, chef, and still trying to run our small family business.

I wish I would have known that when a NICU Dad holds his baby, it just might mean more to you than a normal dad. Normal dads have a baby and get to hold the baby soon after. We can barely even touch our baby much less hold them. We have to wait days. Days of watching our baby fight, and wanting nothing more than to just hold them, but we can’t. But you know, I have to think it just makes it that much more special. Lucky us…

I wish I would have known that feeding our baby was going to be the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life!!!! Those first feedings were a nightmare. We would feed our baby and watch the monitors the entire time. You would watch the monitors to make sure she was breathing and not choking, WHICH IS WHAT WOULD HAPPEN ALL OF THE TIME!!!

I wish I would have known that our NICU staff would become part of our family. When you spend every day with someone, in some of the most stressful situations, you get real close. It is impossible to put into words what these people mean to us. They do SOOOOO much! They are there for all of the milestones. They are there for our highs and lows. They see us laugh and cry. They are there when a professional photographer comes in to take family photos and your wife is having a breakdown, crying, because your 9-year-old daughter refuses to be in the pictures. (Never underestimate how much the NICU stresses EVERY family member!) They see these things and they act like it’s all no big deal. This is normal NICU life.

I wish I would have known that after counting down the days to when we would be able to take our baby home, we almost didn’t want to. During our 67 days of being in the NICU, we had our NICU staff for support. Our baby had exceeded all expectations and was released early. We weren’t ready! They called to tell us she was coming home, and my wife literally told them NO! We didn’t have anything for her. We never got to have a baby shower. We never knew when she was coming home. We had been in this NICU marathon for more than the past two months. Who had time to shop? Not just that, but you mean we have to take this baby home and take care of her, without monitors?!?! The baby that we were watching to see if she would stop breathing or that was still so tiny! We were so nervous and scared.

I wish I would have known that I would become a second year med student. Spending so much time in the NICU, we immersed ourselves in information and medical lingo. They always tell NICU dads to not stare at the monitors. Good luck! That’s all you do. Do that every day, every hour, for two months and you’re going to become an expert. I knew what every beep and flash meant. I knew if something went haywire, just check the baby. If she’s breathing and the monitor says she’s not, pretty sure a lead came off. Since our NICU stay, I’ve had to be in the hospital for a sick grandmother, who has since passed, but while I was there I had to speak to the nurses and they asked if I was in the medical field. I said no. I’m a NICU Dad!

Finally I wish I would have known that just because you leave the NICU, it’s not over. While in the NICU, we saw families that would leave and some that would have to come back. So many of our NICU babies need to have surgeries while in the NICU and surgeries after they have already been home. We were fortunate that we were surgery free while in the NICU. Our daughter made it through with flying colors. But even for us, it’s not over. At 4 years old, this year we’ve already had a hernia surgery and will have a heart procedure, to close a PDA, later next month. These are things that most preemies have to deal with. Another thing on this would be to not be in denial. Our daughter was released early (before her due date) and she did amazingly in the NICU, but after we came home, she was evaluated and required physical therapy. We had been so far ahead of the curve in the NICU and even coming out, that I was in denial. That curve caught up to us pretty fast once she started getting evaluated for doing physical things that other kids her age were doing already. She was not. It took me a while before I finally saw what everyone else had already been seeing. Of course she crushed all her therapies! Come on, I’m her dad, I have to brag!

I hope these things help some of you new NICU dads and put a smile on some of you seasoned NICU dads. If you can think of any I forgot, please share! Please spread the word about http://thenicudad.com!